Ok It’s a little hokey. Every category listed needs good listening skills to succeed. I could also include parents, teachers, doctors and more.
As a coach/advisor I ask questions to achieve results, more importantly, I have to really listen to the answers, including what is not being said. I must make sure there is clarity on both sides. I can’t make suppositions or assume; if I do that, I am not building trust, and it will be difficult to work together to achieve goals
We can learn so much having conversations if we listen to other without jumping to conclusions and formulating opinions or second guessing while the other person is still speaking. Are we distracted by others or cell phones or almost anything else that shows the speaker they are not a priority and are being disrespected?
Getting clarification and asking questions are keys to successful interactions. I have a new client and asking questions about goals I realized that they are testing ideas; they had a lot of them. I listened and because I write what people say, it’s a huge help, I asked about each idea in terms of resources and why they wanted to do it. We were then able to narrow the scope and prioritize. We now had a direction and are able to take action. They were “heard”. Their thoughts and ideas were acknowledged. A working relation began.
Remember hearing is automatic a physical response to a stimuli. Listening is the processing of the information to be able to do something with it.
Think about how you give directions. Is the recipient listening and able to meet expectations? Is there a language issue? Have you ever seen a person who gives another directions and if they don’t understand the 1st person speaks louder. Yes, we see it in movies and it’s funny but not in real life.
When someone doesn’t understand what information you are giving, ask them to tell you what you said, and if it makes sense. You can then ask what part is difficult and is it because they need help or tools or some other issue.. If you’re struggling to understand someone, ask questions to clarify. If it’s helpful, from time to time recap your understanding of both the subject and the other person’s reason for bringing it up — and ask them to validate or refine it. Make it clear that you are doing this for your own understanding as well, because only when clarity is there can there be effective results.
If you often find yourself distracted when trying to listen to someone, control your environment as much as possible. Before you begin, set an intention by taking a moment to deliberately focus on this person, in this moment, in a conversation that will be about this topic. If appropriate, use a written agenda or white boarding to keep yourself and the other person aligned. If you do have a lapse in attention, admit it, apologize, and ask the person to repeat what they said. (Yes, it can be embarrassing, but it happens to everyone occasionally and to some of us frequently.) Arrive a few minutes early to acclimate yourself if you are having a meeting in a new place.
My coaching business has changed radically since the pandemic and I use Zoom 90% of the time. Depending on the type of call it is very easy to be distracted, scroll your phone, or even daydream. For me, taking notes helps me stay focused. as well as asking questions when I can. Recording the calls enables me to review what transpired and remind myself of important items, especially ones that need follow thru.
Listening is vitally important, sadly it is minimally taught, can be physically and mentally taxing, and in the aftermath of Covid-19 never been more difficult. As we close in on a third year of unprecedented upheaval in work and life, employees and managers alike have more questions than ever — concerns that they may find it difficult to articulate for a variety of reasons, from mental fog to the sheer novelty of the situation.
Now is the time for all of us, not just leaders or persons with authority, to really listen, understand the context, resist the temptation to respond with generic answers, and recognize your own listening limitations — and improve on them. If you haven’t taken the assessment in the previous article, it is a great first step to awareness. Remember you can’t change things until you are aware of them. Have compassion for yourself — you can’t scream at your own brain like a drill sergeant and whip that raw grey matter into shape. What you can do is recognize your weak points and make the necessary adjustments.
Listen carefully. Helps you to: • Understand • Comprehend • Evaluate • Careful listening will require a conscious effort on your part. • You must be aware of the verbal and nonverbal messages (reading between the lines). • Be mentally and physically prepared to listen.
You can’t hear if YOU do all the talking. Don’t talk too much. • Listen with empathy. • Be courteous; don’t interrupt. Take notes if you worry about forgetting a particular point. • Avoid stereotyping individuals by making assumptions about how you expect them to act. This will bias your listening.
Listen to how something is said. Be alert for the emotions behind the words. • Listen without thinking about how you’re going to respond • Make certain you give the other person an opportunity to voice their opinions. Don’t dominate the conversation. • Maintain good body posture
Avoid selective listening • Avoid distractions • Ask questions to stay active and interested. • Face the speaker • Maintain eye contact • Respond appropriately – say yes, nod, etc. • Do not be preoccupied with your own thoughts.
If any of you have tips on how you improved your listening skills, please share as we can all benefit.
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